


Addicted

by widlfl0wermc



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - No 5 Seconds of Summer, Chatting & Messaging, Cross-Posted on Wattpad, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, Fanfiction, Guitars, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Jet Black Heart by 5 Seconds of Summer, Love, M/M, Music, Online Relationship, Online Romance, Outer Space, Pizza, Recovery, Romance, Substance Abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-12
Updated: 2019-12-27
Packaged: 2021-01-29 02:02:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 15
Words: 8,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21402334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/widlfl0wermc/pseuds/widlfl0wermc
Summary: THE PATH TO RECOVERY FORUMMike1120 ◌ Online NowLuke_is_a_penguin ◌ Online Now“Here I am trying to live, or rather, I am trying to teach the death within me how to live.” ― Jean CocteauInspired by Quiara Alegría Hudes's Water by the Spoonful
Relationships: Calum Hood/Ashton Irwin, Michael Clifford/Luke Hemmings
Comments: 8
Kudos: 15





	1. Luke_is_a_penguin's First Post: 11-11-2019

**Author's Note:**

> Hello,
> 
> This is my first work on AO3 and I'm very excited to share it with you all. Please be advised this work contains mature content, including substance abuse and addiction. These will be forum post/chatroom style so expect frequent updates.
> 
> Disclaimer: The characters in this work are real, but none of the events are real, nor do I own any of these people.
> 
> Thank you!  
Jordan xo

Today, 3:48 AM  
Luke_is_a_penguin  
Join Date: Nov 2019  
Location: Sydney, Australia  
Posts: 1

◌ Online Now

« Day 1 

Hi all.

My name is Luke. I’m 28 years old and today is day 1 of being sober. 1 day since I’ve smoked crack. I live in Sydney, Australia. I don’t know what else to say… I love music, listening to it, writing it, playing it. My favorite bands are Green Day, blink-182, All Time Low. I live alone in a beautiful apartment just blocks from the water. But I am late on this month’s rent because I spent all my money on drugs. I’m ashamed.

I want to stay sober. I guess that’s why I’m here. But I don’t know how. The itch to smoke eats me alive. I can’t do this alone. I’m addicted. I need someone’s help. At least I can admit that.

So, that’s me. 28. Addicted to crack. Oh, and I love penguins.

Thanks.


	2. Mike1120's First Post: 05-23-2015

05-23-2015, 09:13 AM  
Mike1120  
Join Date: May 2015  
Location: New York, USA  
Posts: 967

◌ Online Now

« Day 5

Three years ago, I had a beautiful wife. She was so out of my league. But, she loved me and I loved her. We had just gotten married. Everyone was so happy for us. Then it all went to sh – sorry. Crap. (I don’t want to get flagged or anything). A coworker of mine came over for drinks one night while my wife was out of town at her parents’. He brought drugs. We sniffed them off my coffee table. I felt electric. I felt like a new person, a better person. Little did I know, I had just dug my grave.

My wife found out about my crack habits 6 months in. At first, she was sympathetic. She helped me find a narcotics anonymous support group nearby. I felt like maybe, I could be okay. I was 30 days sober. But I relapsed. Then we repeated the process (a few times). I relapsed. Again. At this point, she’d been fighting the battle with me for nearly a year and a half. Then one morning, after 16 painful days sober, she left me. She said she couldn’t take it anymore. That it was tearing her apart to see me like that. So, I relapsed.

Fast forward to now, I’m divorced, living in a tiny apartment in Manhattan, barely making the monthly rent. Barely have enough to pay the bills. So I’m here. Looking for companions. For someone to help me through this hell I’m living. I’m 5 days sober. Can I make it to 6?

Mike


	3. Mike1120: Reply to Luke_is_a_penguin's Post

11-12-2019, 08:37 PM  
Mike1120  
Join Date: May 2015  
Location: New York, USA  
Posts: 968

◌ Online Now

« Reply to: Luke_is_a_penguin’s Post

Hi Luke.

Nice to meet you, I’m Michael. I’m proud of you for day one. Welcome, we’re happy to have you. 

Hey, I like those bands too! I was just listening to All Time Low this morning. PM me and we can talk more about our favorite songs 😉 

You don’t have to do this alone, Luke. We’re all here for you. 

Mike


	4. Luke_is_a_penguin: Back Again 11-20-2019

11-20-2019, 01:37 PM  
Luke_is_a_penguin  
Join Date: Nov 2019  
Location: Sydney, Australia  
Posts: 2

◌ Online Now

« Back Again

Hi everyone.

I thought I had the strength to make it past day 6, maybe even 7, but it turns out I was wrong. My dealer called me last night, asking if we wanted to meet since it was my usual pickup day. I insisted – no! No, I can’t. I’m quitting. 

But he wants money, right? So he got mad. He reminded me of all the amazing things about crack. How great I feel, how I feel like the world is mine, for once. I gave in and met him in our meeting spot. Bought it, went home, smoked. Felt like I was soaring above the clouds.

Now today I feel shitty. I don’t know what to do. I need someone to hold me accountable. Please.

Luke


	5. Message Request from Mike1120

**_Mike1120 _**would like to private message you. Accept or Decline

_Message Accepted_

**Mike1120: **Hi Luke. It’s Michael. I saw your most recent post. Do you want to talk?

**Luke_is_a_penguin: **Yeah

**Luke_is_a_penguin: **I didn’t realize how hard this would be, you know? I thought I could just quit. Just stop smoking crack, but I was wrong

**Mike1120: **Yeah, it’s not an easy feat at all. I’ve been clean for about 3 years and every damn day is a struggle. Sometimes I don’t even know how I do it.

**Mike1120: **You’re strong, Luke. You can do this. The first few months are the hardest… you doubt everything. Why do I even need to live? If I just smoke one more time, then I’ll be done. You tell yourself so many things. But nothing feels better than looking at a calendar and thinking, I’ve been clean for 30 days, 90 days, 1 year, 2 years – _I _did that.

**Luke_is_a_penguin:** I can barely make it through one week. 30 days seems impossible

**Mike1120: **You have to find something to keep you busy.

**Luke_is_a_penguin: **What do you do to keep you busy?

**Mike1120: **Music, working out, drawing, hanging with my best friend.

**Luke_is_a_penguin: **Do you just listen or play? What’s your best friend’s name?

**Mike1120: **Both. I write too. Lol, so many questions. His name is Calum

**Luke_is_a_penguin: **That’s really cool. I love music. That keeps me busy sometimes. I don’t have a lot of friends… my dealer was a friend, I guess.

**Mike1120: **Consider him an ex-friend now. But I’m your friend, Luke. You aren’t alone in this battle.

**Luke_is_a_penguin: **Thank you, Michael.

**Mike1120: **You can call me Mikey. All my friends do 😉

**Luke_is_a_penguin: **Lol, okay. Talk tomorrow? I should sleep.

**Mike1120: **Yeah, sure thing. Goodnight, Luke.

**Luke_is_a_penguin: **Goodnight, Mikey.

** _Luke_is_a_penguin is offline._ **

** _Mike1120 is offline._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Sorry this is a little overdue, it's the end of the semester so I've been a bit busy. I'll be on winter break in about a week so I'll be writing plenty then.


	6. 3:36 PM: Hey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Text Messages Between Michael and Calum

**Mikey: **Hey Cal, are you busy tonight? I’m bored and having too many cravings for my own good

**Cal: **No, I’m free, wanna go to the gym or something?

**Mikey: **I don’t know. 

**Cal: **Really bad cravings?

**Mikey: **Yeah. I don’t really feel like doing anything tbh

**Cal: **Okay. So we’ll do nothing

**Cal: **I’m on my way now. Gonna stop and get pizza and Diet Coke. Set up Netflix. We can watch a bad Christmas movie

**Mikey: **Ugh, stop. You know just the right words to turn me on ;-)

**Cal: **Ewwww, stopppp

**Cal: **;-)

**Cal: **Be there in 20

**Mikey: **Thank you, Cal

**Cal: **Of course, Mikey

**Mikey: **Oh, can you get Hawaiian pizza please?

**Cal: **I guess... but only because I love you

**Mikey: **<3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's so short, I'm planning on updating again today so don't worry!


	7. Mike1120: A Toast to Great Friends 12-15-2019

12-15-2019, 11:26 AM  
Mike1120  
Join Date: May 2015  
Location: New York, USA  
Posts: 969

◌ Online Now

« A Toast to Great Friends

Hi all, it’s Michael.

I just wanted to make a special toast to great friends. Having a great support system while in recovery makes a huge difference. You have people to turn to when the darkness of the addiction is swallowing you up.

My best friend (we’ll call him C, for privacy reasons) is the most amazing human being I’ve ever met. He never smoked like I did. He drank a little but was never addicted. When I fell into the hole, he never left my side, even when I made the stupidest mistakes. Yesterday, I was having really nasty cravings. So I texted him if we could hangout but I didn’t want to _do_ anything. Just needed him there. He brought pizza, Diet Coke, and we watched that new Netflix Christmas movie with Vanessa Hudgens. The movie was terrible really, but I felt better by the end of the night thanks to him.

So, friends are great. They make the hell of recovery just a bit better. They’re the light on our grim path to sobriety. Holidays are the worst time for an addict in recovery. So, if anyone needs a friend, PM me. My laptop is always open, so I’ll hear it. I’m here for all of you. No one is alone.

Happy Holidays,

Michael


	8. 7:48 PM: Mikey?

12-17-2019, 07:48 PM EST

12-18-2019 11:48 AM AEDT

** _Mike1120 ◌ _ ** _Online Now_

** _Luke_is_a_penguin ◌ _ ** _Online Now_

**L: **Mikey?

**M: **Hey Luke, what’s up?

**L: **I’m so glad you’re online.

**M: **Aw, stop. You’re making me blush. ;-)

**L: **Lol. Guess how many days clean I am?

**M: **Hmm… I don’t know. Tell me.

**L: **35 days… about. Not counting today.

**M: **Luke! That’s awesome! I’m so proud of you! How do you feel?

**L: **Like shit

**M: **Yeah, sounds about right. But you did it. That’s what matters. I really am so proud of you.

**L: **Thanks (:

**L: **How many days do you have?

**M: **About 3 years… so somewhere over 1,000 days.

**L: **That’s incredible. I’m proud of you too. Has anyone ever told you how strong you are?

**M: **Thank you :) Calum does. But besides that, no. Not really. Can I be honest with you?

**L: **Of course

**M: **You calling me strong makes me happy… sometimes I feel like I’m so busy taking care of others and being strong for everyone else that I just don’t feel that enough… or hear that enough. I don’t ever feel strong just for myself

**L: **Well, I’ll tell you it every day if it means you really feel it because, wow, over 1,000 days. That’s amazing, Mikey.

**M: **Wait, stop, now I’m blushing for real.

**L: **Lol. I wish I could see! Bet it’s cuuuuteee.

**M: **Anyways, you flirt… tell me about yourself. I don’t know much about you besides what I got from your posts. You’re 28, you live in Sydney, and we have the same taste in music.

**L: **What do you want to know?

**M: **Family, hobbies, interests? Favorite food?

**L: **I have two older brothers, but I don’t talk to them anymore, not since… you know how it goes, yeah? It’s almost like my addiction was the flu. Contagious, stay away. But when I get clean, really clean, I want to see them again. My mom, too. I miss her.

**M: **Sorry to hear that. But yeah, I get it. I had a gorgeous wife but… the addiction won.

**L: **:(

**L: **What was her name?

**M: **Katherine. But more about you.

**L: **I don’t do much anymore besides hide in my apartment and try to avoid the very thing eating me alive, but I used to play music, like you do. I sing too. I also really like cooking.

**M: **Oh, a chef!

**L: **Lol… I didn’t say I was any _good_… my favorite food is probably pizza. So unhealthy, I know.

**M: **I’m not judging, I loooove pizza. It’s my comfort food. What’s your favorite movie?

**L: **Anchor Man. It’s so funny! Have you seen it?

**M: **Uhhh, maybe, yeah. Not in a while though. Favorite TV show?

**L: **How I Met Your Mother

**M: **Oooo, that one is good. You seem pretty cool, Luke. If only you didn’t live on an entirely different continent, we could hangout.

**L: **Don’t remind me. You’re my only friend and I don’t even know what you look like.

**M: **Do you wanna know?

**L: **You’d show me?

**M: **Well, I don’t think you’re some creepy guy trying to kidnap me. This isn’t really the site for that type of business.

**L: **Lol true. Ok then, lemme see.

**M: ** _*image attached*_

**L: **Wow

**M: **Oof. Am I that ugly? I thought that was a good picture…

**L: **No, no, it’s a good wow – a really good wow

**L: **You’re really cute :’)

**M: **Awwww thank you Luke

**M: **Your turn!!!

**L: **Oh, no. I’m not nearly as attractive as you. You don’t want to see.

**M: **That’s not fair. I’m sure you’re cute too! Just show me. I won’t judge.

**L: **I don’t know.

**M: **Please? Like you said, we’re friends! You know what I look like.

**L: **Ok…. Here goes.

**L: ** _*image attached*_

**M: **Holy shit

**L: **What??

**M: **Nothing, you’re just extremely attractive lol

**M: **Your curls!

**M: **Are your nails painted?

**L: **Uh, yeah… they are. They look stupid, don’t they?

**L: **I should take them off.

**M: **No, no, don’t! I like them. That color looks really nice on you, especially with the all black…

**L: **Oh

**L: **Ok, I’ll keep it.

**L: **Thank you Mikey

**M: **What time is it there?

**L: **Noonish

**M: **Noonish, Wednesday?

**M: **It’s 8pm here. Tuesday night. You live in the future

**L: **No, that’s not how time zones work

**M: **That’s how they work to me

**L: **Haha okay fair enough.

**M: **Got any plans for your Wednesday?

**L: **No, of course not.

**M: **Wrong answer.

**L: **Huh?

**M: **Go get some sunshine! Sydney is beautiful. Go outside. Go on a run. Get some coffee. Smell the fresh air. It’ll help.

**L: **Are you sure that’s a good idea?

**M: **Yeah. Here, I’ll give you my Twitter so you can message me if you need anything. I’d give you my phone number, but you know… international texting is expensive asf. It’s @michaelcliffo

**L: **Lmao true. Ok. I’ll follow you now.

**L: **Followed!

**L: **I’m tying my shoes. Gonna go on a walk. Thank you

**M: **For what?

**L: **For everything. For talking to me, for helping me, for being my friend.

**M: **Of course, Luke. I like being your friend.

**L: **I like being yours too. Ok, I’m logging off now. But I’ll message you some pictures of the town if you’d like.

**M: **Yeah :) Bye Luke

**L: **Bye Mikey

** _Luke_is_a_penguin is offline._ **


	9. 2:27 AM: You online?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This chapter contains heavy content about recovery and death.

12-18-2019, 02:27 AM EST

12-18-2019, 06:27 PM AEDT

** _Luke_is_a_penguin ◌ _ ** _Online Now_

**L: **Hey Mikey, you online?

**L: **I’m still so new to this site I can’t really tell when you’re online or not, lol

**L: **Well, anyways, I sent you some pictures from my walk on Twitter. But I thought I’d tell you about it here. I’m back now, showered, and made a nice meal for myself with the last of my real food. It was really peaceful and I’m glad I listened to you. It made me remember there’s a world out there waiting for me, and I need to continue to be strong and make a full recovery.

**L: **I’m applying for some jobs online right now. I hope I get one. I need to buy groceries.

**L: **Real groceries, I mean – not just hot Cheetos and ice cream.

**L: **I know it’s like 2:30 in the morning there but if you’re up, I’d love to talk

**L: **When you see these, message me :)

12-18-2019, 03:42 AM EST

12-18-2019, 07:42 PM AEDT

** _Mike1120 ◌ _ ** _Online Now_

**M: **Hi

**L: **Hey!

**L: **Did you wake up?

**M: **Who said I ever slept?

**L: **Oh. You okay?

**M: **Yeah, it’s just the witching hour so… you know, cravings. I was watching a movie to distract myself.

**L: **What movie?

**M: **Anchor Man, actually. Lol

**L: **Isn’t it hilarious?

**M: **Yeah, it is pretty funny. Will Ferrell is great

**L: **He’s even better in Elf

**M: **That’s a kids’ movie, Luke

**L: **Ummm, no. It’s a Christmas classic. And Christmas movies are for anyone, you jerk

**M: **Lol okayyyy ;-)

**L: **You tired?

**M: **Like you wouldn’t believe. Being 30 sucks

**L: **Oh, you’re 30?

**M: **Yeah. Only two years older than you

**L: **We’re both old lmao

**M: **Pretty much

**L: **Well it’s only 8ish here, so I will stay up and talk to you for as long as you need

**M: **Can I ask you for a favor

**L: **Yeah, of course

**M: **Could we maybe… FaceTime until I fall asleep?

**L: **You’re a big baby, you know that?

**M: **:-(

**L: **Yeah, I can do that. Send me your FaceTime email thingy

**M: **michaelgc@website.com

**L: **Who’s gonna call first?

**M: **I’m nervous

**L: **How come?

**M: **Because - you’ve seen my face, sure, but what if you’re disgusted by my voice and never want to talk to me again?

**L: **That’s not going to happen Mikey, it’s okay

**L: **I’ll FaceTime you

**M: **Okay

***

Luke opened Michael’s contact message and clicked the FaceTime button, stomach full of butterflies (which he wouldn’t admit because Michael is the big baby, _not _him). Two rings passed and then finally, Michael picked up.

“Hi,” Michael spoke. His blonde hair sat disheveled on his head; a small hoop earring evident on his right ear. His voice was raw and honestly, maybe the most attractive thing Luke had ever heard. He was slowly crushing hard and he hadn’t even told the older boy he was bisexual.

“Hey, Mikey,” Luke responded, smiling so wide his jaw hurt. “It’s Luke.”

Michael erupted in laughter almost immediately, causing Luke to realize what he had said. “Yeah, I know you’re Luke, you doofus. I can see you.”

“Oh my – I, wow. That was embarrassing.”

“Yeah, just a little bit,” Michael smirked. “But it’s okay, you’re too cute, I can’t make fun of you that long or else I’ll just feel bad.”

Luke’s cheeks turned red. “Oh, stop.” The red deepened once he realized Michael was shirtless.

Michael chuckled and yawned. “Let me get comfy in bed just in case I do fall asleep. Which I doubt will happen.” After some shuffling around, Michael was back and to Luke, still attractive as ever, cuddled in bed, eyes droopy. “I’m so tired, I just… the cravings. My brain won’t shut up.”

“Just remember – over 1,000 days. Don’t let these 4 AM cravings get you. You’re stronger than them.”

Michael’s eyes were full of sadness – Luke could see. Desperation, hopelessness. Michael was lost, just like Luke, just like all of the recovering addicts in the world. Luke wanted to hold him and kiss him until the sadness was gone, even just a little bit.

_But we hardly even know each other, _Luke thought. _So stop thinking about kissing him. _

“What are you thinking about, Luke?”

_You. _“Nothing important.” Luke forced a small smile. “How are we going to get you to sleep? Should I read you something? Or have you given up on sleep entirely to talk to my handsome face?”

“You could… sing?” Michael suggested, raising an eyebrow.

“Oh, no,” Luke scoffed, shaking his head. “I don’t think so. Sorry.”

“Aw, why not?”

“I’m not that good. It wouldn’t put you to sleep, it would make you lose your hearing,” Luke explained. “Sorry, Mikey. Maybe another time.”

Michael rolled his eyes. “Okay, whatever. Just talk to me, about anything.” His eyes drooped once more, aching for rest. “I like your voice.” He mumbled sleepily.

A blush crept upon Luke’s cheeks (like it ever left). “Okay, well… I could tell you about my walk. Maybe? How does that sound?”

“Yeah, sounds good.” Michael smiled, resting his phone on the pillow next to him. “If I fall asleep, goodnight, Luke. Thank you for doing this.”

“Of course,” He nodded. “Goodnight, Mikey. Well – I started by just walking down my street. I live in Darlinghurst, technically, which is not too far from Hyde Park, which is in Sydney. So, I went to the park. I took pictures, breathed in the fresh air. Remembered I was alive, which is all I could really ask for. Remembered to be thankful for the fact that I was alive.”

Luke caught Michael smile at that, and he smiled too. “Then I got coffee at this cute little place across from the park called My Coffee Room. I haven’t had coffee in so long, it made me feel… human again. Being in recovery doesn’t feel like that. You know? Being a recovering addict feels like being some kind of bad superhero who fights monsters all the time but never wins. But drinking that coffee, being in Sydney with hundreds of normal people – it made me feel normal, too. Like I had a purpose.”

“You do have a purpose, Luke,” Michael whispered.

“Yeah, maybe. But most days it feels like my purpose is just let the monsters win forever. To let the darkness engulf me.” Luke’s eyes brimmed with tears, but he forced them down.

Michael frowned, but his eyes stayed closed. “You can’t let it get you. Please. People need you.”

“Who?”

“Your family,” Michael said, opening his eyes now. Luke could tell his eyes were watery, too. “I know you said they weren’t the greatest when it came to your addiction, but they love you. They just didn’t know how to deal with it and that sucks, but it’s the reality of addiction. Recovery is hard for the addict, _and_ hard for their loved ones.”

“So, my family needs me. Okay. I don’t have anyone else.” Luke muttered, avoiding Michael’s gaze.

“I need you,” Michael assured. “We’re friends, aren’t we? I like having you in my life.”

Luke couldn’t help but to smile. “Thank you, Mikey. Sorry to make things sad I – I was just supposed to tell you about my walk so you could go to sleep.”

“No, no, you don’t have to apologize. Think happy thoughts, okay? Talk about your favorite parts of the walk.” Michael closed his eyes once more, ready for the rest of the story.

“Okay, so I finished my coffee. I walked to the Royal Botanic Gardens after that. God, it’s so beautiful. It’s huge too, by the time I walked half of it, my legs hurt. You can see the opera house from certain spots and it’s – it’s amazing. I wish you could see it, in person. Pictures really don’t do it justice.”

Luke paused for a second to observe Michael, to listen to his gentle, steady breathing. He was falling asleep, slowly. “They even had some cute koala statues. All of it was breathtaking. Just another thing that reminded me of all the life around me. I wandered home after that. There are tons of museums in that area too, but I didn’t go in any. Just admired the outside.”

“You’re asleep?” Luke questioned. When there was no response, he laughed softly. “Yeah, you are. Goodnight, Mikey.” He hung up and turned to his laptop, sending Michael a quick message.

***

**L: **You’re fast asleep but I didn’t want to risk waking you, so I hung up for the night. Have a good sleep, we’ll talk when you wake :)

** _Luke_is_a_penguin is offline._ **


	10. 4:07 PM: Thank you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't find a video of Michael playing, so here's Luke's video... my god, I love him.

[L: *video attached*](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qpzxjkzW7wE&feature=emb_logo)

12-18-2019, 04:07 PM EST

12-19-2019, 08:07 AM AEDT

** ** _Mike1120 ◌ _ ** ** _Online Now_

****M: ****Hey

****M: ****Thank you for helping me fall asleep last night

****M: ****I’m not sure if you’re online right now, I think it’s early there

****M: ****You know, in the future early ;-)

****M: ****Message me when you see these

12-18-2019, 04:53 PM EST

12-19-2019, 08:53 AM AEDT

** ** _Luke_is_a_penguin ◌ _ ** ** _Online Now_

****L: ****Hey :)

****M: ****Lukeeeee

****M: ****Hi, good morning

****L: ****Hi, good evening

****M: ****Did you sleep?

****L: ****Like a baby, actually. For the first time in a while

****M: ****Hey, that’s great :’)

****L: ****I dreamt about you

****L: ****Wait – that sounded really creepy

****M: ****Ohhh, you did? ;-)

****M: ****What was I doing?

****L: ****Oh god not like that you perv.

****L: ****I should’ve said that differently… lol… I just dreamt we met in real life and got to hangout. We walked the gardens together.

****M: ****That’s really cute

****M: ****I wish it would come true.

****M: ****My best friend would love you.

****L: ****Maybe one day we could meet

****L: ****When we’re older. Clean. Really, clean. And have enough money lol

****M: ****I’d meet you now if I had the money lol

****L: ****Michael, can I tell you something?

****M: ****Yes. Of course

****L: ****I’m bisexual.

****M: ****Hey, that’s cool Luke :) I’m bi too!

****L: ****Oh

****L: ****Really?

****M: ****Yep

****L: ****How did you know?

****M: ****Most guys like girls first, but for me it was the opposite, I was really attracted to guys growing up, had some boyfriends in high school, lol. But then I went to college and met some really cute girls, met Katherine, got married. I knew I was bi then.

****M: ****How about you?

****L: ****Liked girls all my life… then I, um… it was my dealer. We hooked up a few times. Almost had a solid relationship but you know. The drugs kind of got in the way.

****M: ****Oh, I’m sorry, Luke. I didn’t know about your dealer.

****L: ****How could you? I never told. It’s okay.

****M: ****It’s always worse when you have that kind of connection with your dealer. It almost creates some sort of obligation to the drug… more than the one already pinned on you.

****M: ****But hey, you’re in recovery now, yeah? So we won’t talk about him.

****L: ****Thank you

****M: ****Got any plans for your day?

****L: ****No. I might apply for some more jobs online.

****L: ****I think I want to go back to school when I get a job and get back on my feet.

****M: ****That’s great! What would you wanna study?

****L: ****Music, for sure. I started at Western Sydney University after I finished secondary school, but I dropped out. Couldn’t afford it, not with the drugs. I want to go back.

****L: ****You said you went to university. Where did you go? Did you graduate?

****M: ****I studied music too. At Manhattan School of Music. Fortunately, I did graduate. Katherine kept me on track. I’m still paying off my student loans, lmao. But I have the passion and the knowledge, so it was worth it.

****M: ****Even if drugs did tear me away from music for 6 or 7 years.

****L: ****That’s awesome, though, you have a degree. I’m proud of you.

****L: ****Do you have a job?

****M: ****No. But I need one too. Calum works at a music store and I think I’ll ask him to see if they’re hiring.

****L: ****That’s a great idea!

****L: ****Hey, I wanna hear you play. Will you send me a video of you playing the guitar? Please?

****M: ****Oh boy. Only if you’ll sing for me.

****L: ****Ughhhh… ok. Deal. You first.

****M: ****Okay. Give me a few. I’m going to record something

****L: ****Kk

****M: ****Ok, back. Here ya go

** **M: ** ** _*video attached*_

****L: ****Holy _*censored*_

****L: ****Stupid website, holy f c k

****L: ****You’re so talented, Mikey

****M: ****Oh stop, I’m blushing, thank you (:

****M: ****YOUR TURN!!!

****L: ****Oh, alright, hold up

****L: ****Okay I grabbed an old acoustic guitar I have

****L: ****Here

** **L: ** ** _*video attached*_

****M: ****Luke, I –

****M: ****I don’t have any words

****M: ****You’re amazing

****M: ****And oh my god, so beautiful

****L: ****Wow

****L: ****Um

****L: ****Thanks, Mikey

****L: ****:’)

****M: ****Okay, how much are you blushing now?

****M: ****I saw you blush on FaceTime last night.

****L: ****That’s none of your business

****M: ****Lol ;-)

****M: ****Did you write that?

****L: ****Uh, yeah. A while ago.

****M: ****It’s really good. I didn’t know you wrote too

****L: ****Yep

****L: ****You do too right?

****M: ****Uh huh

****L: ****Got anything you’re willing to share?

****M: ****I can send some lyrics

****L: ****Okay.

****L: ****I’m down for that

****M: ****It’s just the chorus but here

** **M: ** ** _Cause I've got a jet black heart_

_And there's a hurricane underneath it_

_Trying to keep us apart_

_I write with a poison pen_

_But these chemicals moving between us_

_Are the reason to start again_

****L: ****That’s really powerful

****L: ****I wish I could hear it

****M: ****I can send a voice memo?

****L: ****No. That’s okay. I’d rather hear it in person, anyways

****M: ****You might have to wait on that, lol

****L: ****Lol. That’s alright

****M: ****You’re pretty cool, you know that?

****L: ****Yeah, I know

****M: ****Wow, ok jerk

****L: ****Lol, jk jk. Thanks. You’re pretty cool too

****L: ****I’m gonna go take a shower and eat some breakfast but I’ll message later

****M: ****Okay. Byeeeee

****L: ****Bye :-)

** ** _Luke_is_a_penguin is offline._ ** **


	11. 8:32 PM: Merry Christmas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This chapter contains heavy content regarding sexual abuse and substance abuse.

12-24-2019, 08:32 PM EST

12-25-2019, 12:32 PM AEDT

** ** _Mike1120 ◌ _ ** ** _Online Now_

****M: ****Merry Christmas, Luke.

****M: ****Well, it’s Christmas there, but not here. Not yet. Still got a few hours.

****M: ****Luke, where are you?

****M: ****I haven’t heard from you in a week.

****M: ****I’m really, really worried.

****M: ****Please, answer soon.

****M: ****Please.

12-25-2019, 12:13 AM EST

12-25-2019, 04:13 PM AEDT

** ** _Luke_is_a_penguin ◌ _ ** ** _Online Now_

****L: ****Michael

****L: ****Merry Christmas

****M: ****Luke

****M: ****Are you okay?

****M: ****Where were you? I was worried, I thought maybe you had…

****L: ****I… know. Um…

****L: ****My dealer showed up at my house last week.

****L: ****I don’t know how he figured out where I lived, I – I moved after we ended our romantic relationship… I opened the door and there he was. He looked like shit, oh god, like always. But his eyes still glimmered the way they used to. Before the drugs.

****L: ****He didn’t even ask to come in, he just pushed right past me. Made some snarky comments about how I have a crappy apartment, no food, how I looked like death. He told me all about the life he’s living, addicted but swimming in cash from his dealing. How he had a new… a new f*ck buddy.

****M: ****He told you all this?

****L: ****Yeah, a real sweetheart, right?

****L: ****Then he threw this little bag at me. I didn’t even have to look at it to know what it was. The plastic hit my skin and that was it. I don’t, uh, remember a lot after that. I think we… I think he… 

****M: ****Did he take advantage of you, Luke?

****L: ****I don’t know, I don’t remember

****L: ****All I remember is the next morning. I woke up and everything hurt, my head, my throat, my body… I had bruises and… oh god, I’m sorry, Mikey.

****M: ****For what, love?

****L: ****I relapsed, I let you down

****M: ****No, you could never let me down.

****M: ****Luke, recovery isn’t easy. I didn’t want you to relapse, no one deserves that pain but you’re in the fight for your life right now. We’re in this together, remember? Our first interaction, ever, I responded to your first post and told you that you don’t have to do this alone. And you don’t. I’m here and I’m not going anywhere.

****L: ****You’re not mad?

****M: ****The only thing I’m mad about is that stupid prick taking advantage of you.

****L: ****I smoked, Michael. I was the one who chose to get high. I knew what was going to happen.

****M: ****That doesn’t make what he did to you right

****M: ****You were in a vulnerable state, one he knew about and he used you

****M: ****I want to spend all my money on a ticket to Sydney to beat him to a pulp

****L: ****Skip beating him up and just come over and hold me please

****L: ****So, I’m back to square one, with 6 days clean

****M: ****And that’s okay.

****L: ****Will I ever make it out of this alive?

****M: ****Yes

****L: ****I don’t think I will if I have to talk to you over the internet forever

****M: ****Lol. We’ll meet, one day

****L: ****Promise?

****M: ****I promise.

****L: ****What did you ask Santa for this Christmas

****M: ****The strength to stay clean the rest of my life

****M: ****How about you?

****L: ****Well a week ago I asked for at least an interview for 1 of the 50 jobs I applied for. Today I’m asking for a will to live.

****L: ****Santa gave me a pretty good gift about a month ago though.

****M: ****Early Christmas present?

****M: ****What was it?

****L: ****You.

****M: ****Luke :’)

****M: ****I guess I got an early Christmas gift then too cause I got you

****L: ****I’m not a Christmas present, I’m a burden

****M: ****That’s not true.

****M: ****You’re my friend.

****L: ****You practically have to babysit me Michael

****M: ****No. I look after you and you look after me too. We’re recovering addicts. Nothing about our friendship will ever be normal but all we can really do is stick together.

****L: ****Thank you, I appreciate you so much. And Merry Christmas, really. Did you wait up to hear from me?

****M: ****Merry Christmas to you too :) I, uh haven’t slept more than 4 hours the past week.

****L: ****Because of me?

****M: ****I was worried. Plus, Calum is out of town with his family so I… I didn’t have any distractions. I just needed you back.

****L: ****I’m here now. And I’m alive, and safe.

****M: ****That’s all I ever want

****L: ****Michael, I – I love you… and I’m sorry if that’s too soon but you’re the only constant in my life right now and I connect with you and it’s the most I’ve felt in years

****M: ****It’s okay, Luke. I love you too.

****L: ****You do?

****M: ****Yeah, I do.

****M: ****:)

****L: ****What do I do if my dealer shows up at my house again?

****M: ****Lock the doors, go in your room. Call me.

****L: ****I’m so scared, Mikey.

****L: ****I don’t want to feel like this anymore.

****M: ****I know. You won’t feel like this forever.

****M: ****You don’t have to be scared. I’m going to do everything I can to keep you safe.

****M: ****Even if I am 9,934 miles away from you.

****L: ****Is that exact?

****M: ****Give or take.

****M: ****Google Maps

****L: ****Lol you are a dork.

****L: ****I’m going to go take a shower… maybe cry a little, idk, we’ll see

****M: ****Okaaay. Message me when you get out, please

****M: ****I don’t want you to go again.

****L: ****I won’t Mikey. As long as I have you, I am going to stay strong.

****M: ****That’s what I like to hear

****M: ****Ok, go shower smelly

****M: ****Ttyl <3

****L: ****Bye <3

** ** _Luke_is_a_penguin is offline._ ** **

** ** ** **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cried while writing this. :(  
Please, if anyone reading this is struggling with addiction or sexual abuse or any of that, please know you are NOT alone. The holidays are the hardest, but you can make it through. You are strong. 
> 
> Substance Abuse/Mental Health National Helpline – 1-800-662-HELP (4357)  
National Suicide Prevention Hotline - 1-800-273-8255  
National Sexual Assault Hotline - 1-800-656-4673
> 
> YOU ARE NOT ALONE.  
I love you all.
> 
> Happy Holidays,  
Jordan


	12. Mike1120: Merry Christmas 12-25-2019

12-25-2019, 01:47 AM  
Mike1120  
Join Date: May 2015  
Location: New York, USA  
Posts: 970

◌ Online Now

« Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to All!

I know holidays tend to be the hardest for a recovering addict. That’s why I’m here to remind you that you are not alone. We are all here for you. We will get through this together. You are strong, you are loved. Don’t forget that!

Need a distraction? PM me. As always, my inbox is open. I will respond as soon as possible. We can talk about anything you’d like. I’m here.

Enjoy your holidays, everyone.

Michael


	13. 9:53 AM: Aussie Curls

_ [Michael singing Jet Black Heart](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G_XaQ3Rlegw&feature=emb_logo) _

***

12-27-2019, 09:53 AM EST

12-28-2019, 1:53 AM AEDT

“Hey, I saw your Instagram story, Mr. Aussie Man, when did you go to the beach?” Michael asked, raising his eyebrows at the younger boy.

“Oh, earlier today. I went to Bondi Beach. It’s so beautiful,” Luke explained. “I went surfing.”

Michael hummed. “Surfing! I didn’t know you surfed. Are you any good?”

“Not really. But it’s another distraction, so I enjoy it. It’s summer here.”

“Oh yeah, I forgot that’s how that works. I’m freezing my ass off in New York City and you’re surfing in the sun,” Michael chuckled. “You’re living the dream out there, Luke.” He sat at his dining room table, light shining into his apartment. In the background were the noises of the bustling city – car horns, chatter, the birds. It was nearly 10 AM, and a cold, cold 27° F. Luke, on the other hand, laid wrapped up in his blankets like a little burrito. Michael found it to be _adorable_.

“Your curls are really, really cute,” Michael blurted. “I mean, they suit you. Nicely, of course.”

“Don’t try to save yourself, Mikey,” Luke giggled, blushing. “Thank you. You’re a dork.”

“Yeah, but I’m your dork,” Michael retorted, his eyes growing wide when he realized what he had said.

Luke paused, the corner of his lips tugging up into a shy smile. “Oh, you’re _my _dork? I was unaware of this.”

“I mean, I’m not – I don’t have to be, uh…”

“I’d just have to check with the other ten or eleven guys who want to be mine too and I’ll get back to you,” Luke joked. “You know, I’m a highly desired man.”

Michael just blinked awkwardly, saying nothing. Luke laughed at him even harder.

“We haven’t talked about you a lot lately,” Luke said, getting serious. “How are you doing? How are your… cravings?”

“Fine. I mean, as always. It still feels like there’s some kind of demon inside of me trying to claw its way out. But I have my distractions. You, Calum, working out, drawing, music. It’s kind of lonely this time of year though. Calum’s family usually comes over and brings dinner and we play games and watch movies, and that’s always nice. But I don’t have my own family. So that gets a little… depressing.”

“Where is your family?”

“I don’t talk to them anymore,” Michael frowned. “They didn’t know about my addiction until Katherine and I got a divorce. My mom loved her. She was so excited for us – I’m the only child, so the marriage and the possibility of grandchildren – my mom was on cloud nine. But then she found out about the drugs and cut me off. Haven’t spoken to her in 7 years. My dad, too. He blew up on me after the divorce and made sure I knew it was all my fault.”

Luke’s eyes watered, feeling Michael’s pain because he knew that situation as well, but he pushed down the tears. “I’m so sorry, Mikey. It wasn’t your fault. They don’t know what it felt like for you. How hard it is.” He took a breath. “Did you… did you and Katherine have any children?” Luke bit his tongue in anticipation for the answer.

“She told me she was pregnant the day she left me. I begged her to stay, that I would get clean and _stay_ clean for our baby but… no, she left. Fast forward 9 months, she gives birth, turns out the baby wasn’t even mine.” Michael let himself laugh at that. “We wanted to have kids, and planned on it too, but we were so young. We got married at 23, right after we graduated college.”

“Wow,” Luke said. “Do you still think about her?”

“Of course,” Michael smiled sadly. “She was my first real love. I married her. I think about what our life would be like if I had never invited my coworker over that first night I smoked. Maybe we’d have kids. Maybe I’d be a famous musician. Or maybe, this was all supposed to happen to me, like some kind of sick joke. Good came out of this hell though, I mean, I met you.”

“Yeah, that’s one good thing. Do you… still love her?”

Michael looked up at Luke, and even though the FaceTime quality was low and buggy, Luke could see years of happiness and love flash through his eyes. Then it was gone. “Yeah.” He croaked. “I’ll never stop loving her. But this is where I’m at now and I can’t be stuck in that place anymore.”

“Of course, I’m sorry if I invaded too much…” Luke apologized, feeling remorseful. “Let’s talk about something else. Have any plans for New Year’s Eve?”

“No, you’re okay, Luke, I don’t mind sharing with you. Um – well, I think Calum is going to come over and we’re just going to chill on the couch and eat a bunch of junk food and fall asleep well before midnight.” Michael laughed. “How about you?”

“Probably the same, but… just me. I don’t have anyone here.” Luke shrugged. He tried to play it cool, but deep down, he was incredibly lonely and just wanted to be in New York with Michael. “I’m sleepy.” He yawned, rubbing his eyes.

Michael cooed. “You’re adorable. Baby’s _sleepy_, huh?” He teased, wishing he could just pinch Luke’s cheeks.

“Yes, I am sleepy,” Luke pouted, closing his eyes. “Will you sing me to sleep? Please?”

“Oh, I don’t know, Lu…” Michael mumbled.

“I like that nickname. But please, Mikey. Sing that song you sent me last week. I wanna sleep. I don’t want to be awake anymore. Just wanna sleep.”

“Okay.” Michael’s heart sank when Luke said he didn’t want to be awake anymore, so he agreed to help the boy. He began to sing the lyrics he sent Luke last week. He blushed when Luke hummed quietly and smiled, eyes still shut, cuddled into his bed.

Michael finished singing and felt relieved to see Luke fast asleep. “I love you, Luke.” He said. “Goodnight.” With that, he hung up and rested his head in his hands. “Fuck.” He immediately picked up his phone and dialed Calum’s number, who luckily, answered within one ring.

“Hey Mike, wasssssup,” Calum shouted. “You good?”

“Crushes are the worst, Cal.”

“Really? _That’s_ how you’re going to greet your best friend?” Calum scoffed. “This about Luke?”

“Of course it’s about Luke. That’s all I think about now. I’m in trouble,” Michael sighed. “I haven’t liked anyone since Kat.”

Calum sighed, too. “I know, man. I’ll be over in an hour and I’ll hold you and let you rant and vent and then we can watch a rom-com and you can let some tears out. Will that help?”

“You know me so well,” Michael grinned, thankful to have such an amazing best friend. “I’ll see you soon.”

“Love you, Mikey, see you soon!”

The phone call ended, and Michael sat back in his chair, smiling to himself, feeling just a little bit better. But Luke still lingered on his mind – as always – but who was he kidding? He didn’t mind having the beautiful blonde boy to think about.


	14. Golden

Calum and Michael sat on Michael’s seven-year-old couch, staring blankly at each other. Calum: waiting for Michael to spill about his new crush, and Michael: trying to find the right words to describe Luke.

“Talk about him, Mikey,” Calum urged. “I know you want to and I’m all ears.”

“He’s really beautiful, Cal, and he has this curly, golden hair. He paints his nails, he plays the guitar, he sings – such a soothing, sweet voice… he’s kind and funny, and he surfs! That’s hot, you have to admit.”

“That is an attractive quality,” Calum chuckled. “Ok, so that’s all great. Why don’t you go for it?”

Michael sighed. “He lives in Australia. We’re both recovering addicts, we don’t have the money to meet up. But I just – there’s something about him. I can’t get him out of my head. This is the most real connection I’ve had in years.” Calum looked slightly hurt by this comment, so Michael quickly continued, “I have you, and I love you, you’re my best friend, but I mean on a seriously deep and romantic level. He sparks this fire in me that hasn’t been ignited since Katherine, and I don’t know what to do, or how to feel… we could be so good together, you know? But what do I say? Hey, I like you, come to New York so we can be together?”

“Yeah, why not? What’s the worst that could happen?”

“He says, no, I’m not coming, I don’t like you like that.” Michael frowned. “That could suck.”

“Michael, I think you should just go for it. Like you said you’re both recovering addicts – he probably appreciates your connection just as much. I know this is scary but… you deserve it, man. You deserve love and to be happy. If he makes you happy, then go for it. I want that for you,” Calum smiled big at his best friend, eyes watering at the thought of Michael being _genuinely _happy. “I want you to be happy. You’re my best friend, Mikey. There’s nothing I want more in the world than for you to be truly happy and feel loved.”

Michael noticed Calum’s glossy eyes and sniffled, already feeling his own tears coming. “Calum, I love you so much. You’re the bestest best friend I could ever ask for. I’m so, so thankful for you.” With that, the tears poured out of Michael’s eyes and he leapt in Calum’s arms, burying his head in the older boy’s chest. “I wouldn’t be alive without you. Thank you.”

Calum’s tears spilt too as he wrapped his arms around Michael tightly, rubbing his back. “I’m so glad you’re alive. Don’t you ever leave me. I’ll kill you if you do.” He paused. “Hey, wanna meet someone?”

“Who?” Michael asked, pulling back, out of Calum’s arms.

“His name is Ashton,” Calum said. “We met at soccer. I think you guys would be really good friends.”

“Okay,” Michael nodded. “Thank you again, Cal.”

“Of course, Michael.”

***

Calum swung the door open to Starbucks, heart beating fast as his eyes fell on Ashton, sat in the corner with a red beanie fit snug over his black hair and a black leather jacket wrapped tightly around his cold body. Calum’s breath was instantly taken away.

“Hi,” Ashton grinned, standing up to shake Michael’s hand. “I’m Ashton Irwin. I play soccer with Calum. It’s so nice to meet you, I’ve heard so much about you. All good things, of course.” He laughed nervously. Michael took one glance at Calum and saw the heart eyes and the utter adoration spewing out of him and knew – he was meeting the boyfriend.

Michael raised an eyebrow at Ashton, then at Calum, and laughed. “Hi, Ashton. It’s nice to meet you too.”

The three boys sat down at the table, awkward silence engulfing them for a minute or two before Ashton piped up. “Calum told me that you are in recovery, and I, uh – I am too. I was an alcoholic for four years. Pretty bad shit. I’ve been sober for two years now.”

“That’s awesome, man,” Michael said. “Yeah, I’ve been clean for about three years. It’s… it’s tough. Every day is a battle. I’m sure you know that. Congrats on two years though, that’s pretty badass.” The silence came back until he continued. “Are you two… a thing? I’m just asking because I can see the heart eyes.” He chuckled.

“We’re not – I mean, we are…” Calum started, just as Ashton responded, “Sort of? I mean…”

“It’s okay, really, you don’t have to explain yourselves,” Michael rolled his eyes playfully. “I’m just happy Cal has someone. But if you hurt him, I will hurt you. I mean it.”

Ashton gulped and nodded at Michael with wide eyes. “I won’t hurt him, promise.”

“So… who wants coffee?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this is a little rough, but I knew I needed and wanted to update! I hope everyone's Christmas went well. 
> 
> See you soon for another update!


	15. 11:12 AM: What are we in first grade?

01-03-2020, 11:12 AM EST

01-03-2020 03:12 AM AEDT

** ** _Mike1120 ◌ _ ** ** _Online Now_

** ** _Luke_is_a_penguin ◌ _ ** ** _Online Now_

****M: ****Hey, you’re online. It’s 3AM there. Are you awake?

****L: ****Yeah :-/

****M: ****What’s on your mind?

****L: ****My brother called

****M: ****Really? What did he say?

****L: ****He asked how I was doing… it seemed really harmless at first, he seemed genuine. Then he told me about mom and how she’s a mess. She’s been sick lately. He said she misses me so much and I – I didn’t know what to say. You know? What do you say? I’m sorry? I didn’t choose this life, this pain.

****M: ****Yeah, I get that. It’s not fair for him to blame you for this.

****L: ****Yeah. He said that if I hadn’t started smoking, mom would be fine. He said it was my fault that she’s sick and… that destroyed me, Mikey.

****M: ****You know he’s wrong, right Luke?

****L: ****Part of me does, yeah, but when he said that shit about my mom, I didn’t know how to feel. If I had never smoked, I’d still be with my family today. And my mom would be okay. I feel so selfish.

****M: ****I know it’s easy to think about what your life would be like without the drugs… trust me, I think about it all the time. I can’t sit here and tell you that there’s a reason you’re here as a recovering addict because there just isn’t. No good explanation for this hell. But, you’re alive and you’re here and that’s all that matters right now. Your brother doesn’t understand, but he loves you still, and he misses you. He wasn’t trying to make you feel guilty, Luke. He just doesn’t get it. You can’t always expect him to understand the life we live, when we both know we don’t understand it either.

****M: ****You’ll be with your family again soon, and your mom will be okay. You need to keep fighting to get there. You’re not in this alone.

****L: ****You always know what to say. Thank you, Mikey, I appreciate it. I love you

****M: ****Of course, Luke. I love you too

****L: ****:’)

****M: ****Hey I met Calum’s boyfriend a few days ago

****L: ****Calum has a boyfriend???

****M: ****Well they’re not technically boyfriends yet but I can tell they’re going to be very very soon. His name is Ashton, they met at soccer. He’s in recovery too. Used to be an alcoholic

****L: ****Wow. Is he nice?

****M: ****Yeah, he’s really funny. I can tell he makes Calum really happy too, which is all I could really ask for. Calum has been here for me through everything, he deserves all the happiness in the world

****L: ****I wish I could meet him, he must be so lucky to have you as a best friend

****M: ****I’m the lucky one, I couldn’t ask for a better best friend

****L:**** That’s really sweet, Mikey. You sound like you’re both lucky for such a great friendship

****L: ****My only friend lives across the world in New York :(

****M: ****Hey that’s me

****L: ****Yeah it is you, dork

****L: ****Hey I recorded a video of me singing Death of a Bachelor, wanna see?

****M: ****F u * k yeah I do babe!!!!!!!

****L: ****Lol, babe?

****M: ****Just testing the waters… ;)

** **L: ** ** _*video attached*_

****M: ****Ughhhh Luke!!!!

****M: ****You’re so perfect

****M: ****I’m dead, you’ve officially killed me

****M: ****Why would you do that to me

****L: ****Hehehehe sorrrrry! Thanks (:

****M: ****You’re so cute

****M: ****And I’m just… bleh

****L: ****Oh, that’s not true, Mikey. You’re so handsome

****M: ****Thank you Luke but no matter what you say, I will still hate myself, I have since I was 15, 15 whole years of hating my body. I workout and I still end up looking like a marshmallow

****L: ****Oh, stop that, please. I know I haven’t seen you in person but from what I have seen, you’re beautiful, Michael, I mean it

****L: ****I wanna hug you :(

****M: ****Fly to New York then

****L: ****If only I could

****L: ****WAIT MICHAEL!!!!!!

****M: ****WHAT

****L: ****OMG OMG KJNVJKDNKJSNJKS

****L: ****I HAVEN’T CHECKED MY EMAIL ALL DAY AND I JUST DID AND I GOT AN EMAIL FROM ONE OF THE JOBS I APPLIED TO THEY WANT ME TO COME IN FOR AN INTERVIEW

****M: ****HOLY *_censored_* I’M SO PROUD OF YOU OH MG DFSJNKJNJN

****M: ****WHEN WHEN WHEN

****L: ****NEXT MONDAY 9AM

****L: ****AHHHHHHH

****L: ****I HAVEN’T INTERVIEWED FOR A JOB IN LIKE 7 YEARS PLEASE YOU NEED TO HELP ME

****M: ****Of course I will Lu

****M: ****Anything for you

****L: ****F U CC k I love you.

****L: ****Michael

****L: ****Like I actually love you

****M: ****I KNOW LUCAS I love you too :’)

****L: ****Michael I mean uhhh

****L: ****I think I like you?

****L: ****Like like… you

****M: ****What are we in first grade

****L: ****Stfu

****M: ****But wait really?

****L: ****Yeah and I’m sorry if that’s really fast but you mean the world to me and I want this job so I can fly to New York and see you and hug you

****M: ****I like like you too, you big doofus

****M: ****I’m so glad you said something first because I was so scared to

****M: ****You should get some sleep though huh???

****L: ****Yeah I am pretty tired today was emotionally draining

****M: ****You deserve sleep

****M: ****Goodnight Lukeeeee

****M: ****I love you

****L: ****Goodnight Mikey :’)

****L: ****I love you sm

** ** ** **

** ** _Luke_is_a_penguin is offline._ ** **


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